Saturday, December 29, 2012


After some reflection tonight I fell in love with love all over again. For some time now people have identified me as the one who always have a positive spin on ….anything, especially life.  But I have to admit in all that positivity I exert, negative thoughts often dampens my spirits and narrows the view of possibilities I see.  I’m a creator and a conqueror of hope.  But today, was an exceptional day because of the fresh fragrance of unexpected hope was placed before me.

I’ve learned to look for God absolutely everywhere, in everything, and today was no different, and yes I was looking.  The lens one uses determines the magnitude and depth in which one can see and detect beauty makes a significant difference. Today my lens was woman.  Moreover, this woman understands that beauty resides even in the most beastly creature but seemingly more welcomed when observed within a work of art or an intellectual being.  And today, I chose to be a receiver of all that was great and inhale a sweet sense of spiritual and sensual intellect.

I’m naturally a giver of my time, fortunes, energy  and all of the aforementioned stuff I long to receive. Too often I disperse those things on avenues not conducive to positive results that enhance my life. What I’m saying is, today I rested in the care of others, the unfamiliar and new and I loved it. I loved seeing that which I strive to create existing without my efforts, without me operating in false divinity. I saw that which I desire in bloom. I mean, there are people out there who hearts are capable of surviving pain and turning it into flowing rivers of life.  People who are making conscious decisions to choose who they will be today. They build on top of their past, not neglecting it, not giving into it, it shapes them, not define them.

I saw me in you.

Therefore, I don’t stand alone. I am not drifting aimlessly. I am choosing my today, choosing my tomorrow and that allows me to bloom too. A flower blooms in season. So I celebrate friends who are in bloom. It looks so good…so go on…reach toward the sun for there are no limits. 

Friday, December 14, 2012

Finality, Fear, Faith

What drives us to want to leave a legacy, financial or sentimental? What or when does the realization come that we are finite individuals? I’m way too young to consider the end right? No ma’am, no sir, now is exactly the time to think beyond this moment.  Not so that we can work hard in hopes of a heavenly reward. Honestly, I think we are responsible for creating heaving on earth while embracing hope in a paradise.  I’ve been working on projects and papers trying to better understand what heaven is.  But I want to turn inward for a moment and reflect and debrief. I mean its not a day that goes by that I don’t think about death. Let me say it plainly, I am not suicidal. But I will say as often as I see life, I see death.

Death is in my morning praise to God because I say “thank you for waking me up.” Automatically, I wake realizing the infinite is within this finite body one more day and I’m grateful.  Grateful that I’m living and that I have an opportunity to live and help construct a paradise for someone on earth.  But too, I think of the people I will leave behind and what Is it that I will leave them.  I hope someone will miss me, I hope someone will speak kind words about me, I hope that the mortician will make me look better than I did in life. I hope for so much. But I also hope the my death does not cause confusion,  too much pain or death.  In my death I hope that persons will celebrate my life and the differences I made, the care I gave. I hope the preacher can honestly say “from dust to dust” and believe it, believing I’m not an eternal hell.  Okay sorry I digress. As much as I wonder about my life, I wonder about family and loved one.

My loved ones I want to continue to feel my presence if it brings them joy or comfort.  I want to be able to pay for my own funeral, pay for things that will comfort them temporarily. I want to pay for dinners and vacations; I want to bless a victimized woman and a lonely senior even beyond death.  One of my biggest fears for not only myself but others is to survive life alone. I should have done my dissertation about loneliness, but I’m afraid that I don’t understand the fear nor be able to articulate it in such a fashion the people will understand. But I will say this fear more-so resembles doubt or uncertainty over being afraid. And I’m okay with that because it is a healthy amount of doubt within faith.

Okay that’s all for now….just a few random thoughts. But the life within me calls me to love the world passionately, and I do. This love is growing, I feel it, see it and yet it makes me weary. It makes me tired. It makes me whole. I wish others could feel this wholeness found I think in servantry.  In servantry, fear is lessened and life moves forward. Whoo random thoughts….my bad. I’ll work harder next time I greet you. 

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Name Me

I thought I was empty.

I thought hope existed, but not for me

I thought you were the one

I thought dreams were disproportionately dispersed among those who didn’t deserve

I thought living was hard

These thoughts started in despair, then I began to listen and re-read the words my heart spoke. I haphazardly, proudly and boastfully for a quick second began to live in truth that. 

I AM empty so that I may be a better vessel. 

I AM hope

I AM the one being waited for

I AM a dream and I shall share my visions

I AM alive, dreaming hope to disperse to those who are empty

Then my heart rested in extreme gratitude of the great I AM;  better understanding that I AM because the Great I AM is...

I AM the Word made flesh and the Spirit that dwells

I AM the substance that that calculates all wrongs and wounds and throw them into the sea of forgetfulness.

I AM of no time and space yet completely and utterly yours

I AM, the I AM, I AM the Healer, I AM who makes all things New, I AM your comforter, I AM the I AM that circulates without matter or the need for kinesis. I AM your HOPE. I AM the One who holds time and circumstance for you. I AM the ultimate dream machine. I AM the ONE who gives you my name


Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Sweet Pink Rain

Sweet Pink Rain

I am the essence of everything raw and real. Innately I am planted in the inner sanctums of those that wish to thrive and grow…grow….grow up into a serene melody that lavishes under the sun before the drip drop of the …sweet pink rain that caresses your soul.  I am that sweet pink rain that speaks to God and delivers every time. I… I am the substance of things hoped for …stop…taste…smell me in the true essence of this pink sweet rain. 

I am the tasteless void that drives you crazy, yet I am the sweetness that enhances the mood of your day and the glistening sapphire that guides your….night …your night until it becomes a burst of pink and orange and yellow….That sweet Pink Rain is so mellow… mellow below the surface to bring residual calmness to that which is in you that is aggravated by the world around you but see I am the essence of what is raw and real, that which falls from above and glides on gravity's pull. Pull from the depths of your imagination, be covered by the sweet pink rain…for …it’s the essence that soothes your pain and culminates forming storms for you protection. From the ghettos to The Hill, there is no shelter.  Embrace and make haste toward the rain that colors yours soul, your God into focus. Your picture, image, epic description is in Sweet Sweet…

Novels and movie stars only allude to the power of the Pink….

Rain is the essence of your tears that surprisingly is sweeter as the day go by.  Rewind.

Rain is the essence of tears that become sweeter as the day calls for rain to cool its thirst to grow…grow into weeks of strength and courage that washes away…you.

You who are weak and laden will find refuge in the pink sweet rain. 

Sunday, November 18, 2012


Is love enough when it’s not the love that makes your heart smile? Is love enough when you are proud to have someone on your arm and in your bed but the one you love, like really love is home longing for your love? 

Is love enough when the pictures are perfect and your routine hasn’t changed? Shouldn’t love take you to places never imaged all while be secured at home, the place formerly known as your house.  

Shouldn’t love provide to you, speak to your heart and agree with your soul? Is love enough when your smile doesn’t ache from being constant?

Giggle giggle, tader pader, OHHHH and then oooh was the language of your heart. Now it says “I love you”

Is love enough when neither your actions nor mine emulate the scandalous words “I love you”

Is it love?

Is it love when you can’t talk to me in fear that I may see you?
I already see you. I hear you through your silence. I already see you and that contrived smile.

Is love enough?

Where’s the passion that stings every morning like the bitter cold. The passion that light fires that never extinguishes. Where’s the passion that fed my hunger for you? 

Where’s the passion for life...

Giggle giggle, tader pader, OHHH and oooh

I guess love is enough, you are not here. dedicated to 051812

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Whose Privilege

Help me work through this. I’ve always been intentional on remaining down-to-earth. Don’t get me wrong I do not come from riches nor rags but rather a more modest background. But I’ve always been encouraged to seek education and a future my ancestors would be proud of. Furthermore, I’m highly educated and down-to-earth. The importance of me repeating down-to-earth is because too often people who achieve any sort of status or growth forget or deny their heritage. Personally, I’m grateful for the ups and downs of my heritage for they made me who I am. And will help me to relate to all persons no matter my social status.
Sooo..lately I have been getting irritated beyond belief. I am to the point where I get headaches and shut-down in the midst of group discussions. What is it that irritates me so? On two different occasions in the same location persons have disrespected me, for the lack of better words. Occasion one (I can’t reveal a great deal due to privacy but just try to follow), keep in mind that I am of African descent and woman.  

Occasion one, a self-proclaimed white, clergy, male looked at me, used no words, but pointed and directed me as if I was unable to understand the English language in which he speaks with others.  Immediately I noticed all these symbols and expectations being thrown at me and I was pissed; instantly! Only for him to follow with another unspoken act that undoubtedly  stated, since I don’t trust you I’m going to do you will know exactly what this nonverbal conversation was about and that I have power over you.

Second incident, several colleagues and I were conversing about religion in a public area. No one was in view that we could have possibly disturbed except for one white male. This male came over, leaned on a rail and stated, “Hi, you all have four choices, 1. Take this conversation on religion to the atrium downstairs, two: go back into your classroom and talk, or three: don’t have the conversation” Either he never said the fourth choice or I was to livid to hear it. The preface to his suggestion was, others are trying to write papers and they are complaining about the noise level.  I find that so interesting on multiple levels, as originally stated I saw no one else around to complain, two his comment “this conversation on religion” and more importantly when he had is conversation last week in the public area about not dating Muslims, while offended, I didn’t complain.  

So there are my two examples that drove my blood pressure out of the roof.  And I’ve been really trying to better understand the depth of my anger. Is it because I see and often become oppressed because of while male privilege or is it because I’m privilege. Is it because I’m losing my edge on being down-to- earth? Fact is because I’m able to speak out on injustices or things I don’t like makes me privileged. But in this case, which is it? Will you help me out?

Saturday, September 1, 2012

I'm All In

I’m all in.

I’ve heard people say “I’m all in” or “I’m game for that.” And I just took some time to reflect on my personality, my desires and yes even my expectation. I admit, I have expectations of me and of others I allow to share my life.  But what I mean by “I’m all in” is I have decided long ago that life offers disappointments, relationships offer hurts but I will offer myself the chance to try again. I refuse to continue life believing the impossible is not possible.  Even reason allows room for such a thought  to be true and let’s face it my Christian principles and scriptures tell me that the impossible is possible (through Christ). Therefore, I refuse to not go “all in” and give my all with the possibility that my inner Christ will be enough for the situation I’m trying to shine on and in. 

When we shine we have the ability to illuminate not only the good in others but also areas in need of repair. And because that broken area has been exposed is no reason so self-soothe with abandonment or eviction of the light but become an avenue to change and ultimately healing.  Have you attempted to imagine not the world but your individual life transformed by eliminating the disruption of hurt by allowing someone’s willingness to say yes to help assist with your forward progression?  Am I saying that I am a god, hecky no.  Am I saying that I will meet you where you are? Absolutely.  Will I have expectations? Absolutely.  These are not unreasonable expectations for those open and  truly ready to feast at the reception of love.  My understanding of love (at this point in my life and at such a young age) is that “who I am” and all that entails should be for you, supporting you and helping you grow into the best you.  Where ever I found you had to be pretty good to solicit my interest, but together you should be dynamic, we should be dynamic…

Now people will say all this dynamic talk is impossible. Remember two things, I believe the impossible is possible and that we all should strive to be better tomorrow than we are today (no matter how damn pretty and self-sufficient you think you are).  

Friday, June 22, 2012

Mind Sticker

Mind Sticker

What a lucky coincidence, maybe it was divine intervention, regardless; I’ve found a mind sticker. You caught my eye, better yet; you have found a permanent place of residence on my mind. I heard Michael Baisden say today on the radio that if you are with someone and they do not add to your life then they have no place in your life.  Baisden to me is hit or miss, but today, he hit it on the head.  You seem to enhance my life without effort; your smile ignites my soul. Your words and curiosity intrigue me too. A mind sticker you are.

You stick to my mind like white on rice, gravy on biscuits, the way I imagine your skin next to mine.  You look tantalizing regardless of your apparel but it’s the essence of who you are that stops me cold in my tracks.  Intimidated by you? Never.  I recognize the same God in you that’s in me. Are you intimidated by me…only until you truly understand the quintessence, the embodiment of truth and love that dwells in me that longs to be shared with you.

Why you? Why not you? Let me ask you a few questions: Do you know how to love? I earnestly and passionately want to give and receive love.  Have you given your love to someone underserving before? I have, I don’t regret either. I’ve learned great lessons in life but now I’m ready to give my love to someone who can hold it, protect it, and share in it with me blissfully. Lastly, have you prayed or hoped for someone to come to love you unconditionally, to share life with you, to be the one? I’ll admit, I’m the ONE; Just maybe not your ONE. So your responsibility in coming in contact with something so real and so ripe is to assess your heart, consult God and find out if I’m the ONE for you. A winner I am, am I your winner?  I am that great catch that one shouldn’t let get away.

Being with me means you accept the risk that allows and requires infinite growing, which transcend both pleasure and fear.  Being with me means you will be loved by love. 

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Movin' On Up

What do you do when you realize you are movin’ on up alone? That’s the question that fell on me as I stirred my curry in my quant kitchen this afternoon. I have this tendency that seems strange to some and that is to blurt out random facts and questions and the other is to sing old theme songs. And today I was getting down and jamming while reminiscing on The Jefferson’s. I began to tap my hand on the counter and sing “Movin’ on up”

Well we're movin on up,
To the east side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Movin on up,
To the east side.
We finally got a piece of the pie.

Fish don't fry in the kitchen;
Beans don't burn on the grill.
Took a whole lotta tryin',
Just to get up that hill.
Now we're up in the big leagues,
Gettin' our turn at bat.
As long as we live, it's you and me baby,
There ain't nothin wrong with that. 

And I concur; it’s nothing wrong with that. When you come from a single parent household or a two parent dysfunctional home, we all dream of something more. We dream of our own. Many moons have passed since I last lived in the home of my parent(s) because I began my quest and journey to find my own. And by the grace and protection of God, I have several notches in my belt that I should be and can be proud. I’m single, highly educated, and live in a beautiful community surrounded by lakes, beaches, even ducks (and alligators from time to time). I love the thrill of it all. Yet, when I stopped tapping to the beat and returned to my curry, my serenity had been interrupted with reality.

Reality is, I’ve lived on the east side, I much more prefer living on the West side as I do now. I have my deluxe apartment and according to my doctoral professor, I’m very much so privileged compared to the rest of the world. Therefore, I should enjoy my piece of the pie. We incur great responsibility with every slice, but let’s discuss that later. That’s a big bite to chew. My serenity was disturbed realizing that in the big leagues, more often than not, a woman of my caliber is single. By no means am I tooting my own horn or exemplifying arrogance, I’m stating hard core facts.

The fact is, or truth of the matter is, I was jamming singing my song. But when I got near the end and sang with great enthusiasm “Getting our turn at bat. As long as we live, it’s you and me baby…” and bam, I have no baby. I’m not referring to the little munchkins that bring people such great joy. I’m talking about the love of my life. So again, the question is what do you do when you realize you are moving up alone? There is only two things to do. One, follow your plan towards success that will bring about transformation for the good of all people. Secondly, realize that you are major and intricate part of all people and you too must become vulnerable in places where the heart matters. This is the only way, that I can see, that will allow people like me to experience it all at the top. Love, education, everything can be found when we relinquish some of this control that we all worked so hard to achieve.

It’s like we have to relinquish in order to acquire. So much of life is give and take. Love and the acquisition of love is no different. Stop telling people you want your cake and eat it too. When perfectly prepared battered enters into heat, it doesn’t retreat, it develops from the point of contact. Become a decadent dessert the world is waiting to see.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012


Cumulus: a heart's issue

Answer the questions of my heart. 

Logic makes no sense.

Speak clearly, speak deeply.

Speak with the language the heart understands.

Remove the cumulus if despair.

Logic makes no sense.

Speak clearly, speak deeply. 

Dedicated to May 19th

Monday, May 14, 2012

Love Worth Losing

Deborah Cox
Love Worth Losing
For the last few days I’ve been feeling some kinda way. And that’s fine, life continues, it goes on, life is supposed to move in a forward progression; Right?  I find myself listening to music all the time, mostly R&B, it’s slow, relaxing and if old enough, has great meaning and depth.  Hours pass and I’m still listening and reflecting. Sometimes I chuckle and say wow; this stuff will make you want to slice your wrist. Nooooo I’m not suicidal, but I am contemplative.

I think of where I’ve been and where I’m going and who with. After turning #% years old, I can’t stop thinking about making someone happy, and feeling a type of happiness l’ve never had before. Those thoughts ignite a desire of determination and hopefulness that springs up from my soul. I long to have that. Let’s get some things out of the way, I’m not arrogant, but I am confident, I’m not desperate, but I do desire. Therefore, I respect myself and you enough to not start something I know will go nowhere. 

As I sit here listening to music, going nowhere fast, I began to feel a loss, a deep loss. Deborah Cox, “We can’t be Friends” came on the music box and I listened and I even traded places with Deborah for a few moments.  I was really feeling this song. She and R.I. from the group Next sang their hearts out, saying “I’ll never ever find another love like you, I love you too much.” Basically saying in the sweetest way possible, I want all or nothing.  It will hurt me to just be your friend because what we had is real. There is no denying it, and if you were to move on, then what exactly am I to do with all these feelings I have that will not take flight?

The song got so good, I got choked up, felt a tear escape my eye…I had to ask myself, who the hell was I referring to.  And quickly one person, only one came to my mind. And while I do fear seeing a wedding come, I realize that I celebrate that loss more than I fear it. So exactly why am I sadden when the music box sings to me. Two reasons: One, because we are connectional people, and the story in that song is very real to someone and my heart is willing to share in the pain of another so they don’t hurt alone. And secondly, I am sadden at the idea that I will never find a love worth losing.

Sounds crazy right? I’m so blessed, there are people around me who desire my company even willing and wanting me to fill out an application for their heart.  But because too many times before I’ve met impostures who use my love and my desire for love to make me weak, I’ve become scared. Scared to take the chance of building something new and right with …whomever. I used the word scared but I’m not scared as much as I am scarred. Impostures left a nasty infection that lingers causing walls to manifest around my heart. Protection mode is in over drive.

But when the music stops, my heart will make its own beat and I pray my mind will march appropriately. 

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Cost of Truth

Cost of Truth, Tarnished Secrets
I have a secret. My secret is a lie. My lie I want to correct. But then you will know I lied. If you know I lied then my secret will be tarnished. It’s amazing the difference between a secret and a lie.  But my secret began sweetly and lie was birthed out of chaos. And chaotic I am not. I’m just someone with a secret.  My secret is a lie. My lie I live because I’m afraid you will not believe my secret.  Honestly, my secret has been tarnished by the lie I lived and now you will have no interest in this secret I hold.  But it is you I want to share my secret with and it is you that I lied to. Ugh. What do I do?

I do what is best for you in this moment and that is keeping my lie and living my lie. But I feel as if you know me; there some part of you that are curiously enticed by something about me. And I think sometimes you know my secret, this lie that we now live because I lied to you. Dang it, I just discovered that my wrong action of keeping my secret and telling you this lie, makes you live a lie. I want to have an exponentially great impact on your life but positively. I want to share untarnished secrets and create new ones; just you and me.

Your secret is no secret, you shared it with me. Your secret I do not want to know nor do I understand.  But I hold your secret with care as best I can. Am I rambling but I must write until our secrets reveal the truth that must be told.


I know truth and truth I withheld from you. I know truth and it lurks in my mind and in the crevices of my curiosity. What is the cost of truth?  There are a multitude of answers and opinions I’m certain. But at the end of the day, for me, there is no cost to freedom. Truth is freedom.  If I tell my secret, no matter how tarnished it is, if I believe the listener will not receive my secret with an open heart and mind. It is okay. How can you say that B? I say it because, I will be free. My truth will restore life without lies. That life is what it is. I accept that any day over and above some concocted lie of a life I created. I don’t want that kind of power. Power belongs in the arms of Truth and Truth is God. 

God help me to rub and restore the shine to the lives I tarnished and may we all exude and seriously experience the complete love of You, our Rock and our Shield. 

Monday, May 7, 2012

My Soul Thirst....

I belong- 
My soul thirst for God, the living God (Ps 42:2)
(Begin with prayer, worship and scripture reading.)

When we embrace our responsibility that means that we have to “distinguish the inner voice of truth from the inner voice of fear.”[1] Fear is so readily available and we have to intentionally seek the inner voice that resides in us. We can listen for the sound of the still small voice that still speaks in every context full of life.  This voice gives direction, clarity, community; this voice is the “living God.”

In order to hear God we have to get rid of all of the noise that surrounds us. How many people get off work, get in their car to drive home and immediately turn on the radio? How many of you are honkers in traffic? And I imagine half of you when you arrive home have the television on in one room and the radio in another? So tell me, when do you have time for silence? When do you listen to the teacher within you?  All those things have its place in our lives. But most importantly we have to find the time and space for you and God to commune.  When do you talk to God? And please don’t tell me the only time you scream Oh God is when you are in need or afraid.  Ok let’s say that is the only time, we have to learn to cry out for others and on behalf of others. The world is in need, not just you.

The world is afraid of everything they don’t understand. You are afraid that what you do will not matter. You are afraid that you alone cannot make a significant difference. But the thing is, you can make a wonderful and transformative difference.  Fear has to go and be replaced with the real you, a more authentic you; you who shows compassion and cares for others- You who have become an adult and is living into their full capacity of integrity, wisdom and love.

On a piece of paper, as many pieces of paper you need, write on them your fears that are hindering you from trusting people and hindering you from helping your sister and brothers.  Look around, we all look whole and as if are doing fine. But we all are thirsty and in need of the Living God. We are all in need of each other. God has us here as hands and feet, as beating caring hearts, as intellectuals that should be able to join together for the sake of committing acts of love.

As you feel led to offer your fears over to God, do so. Take those pieces of paper and burn them, drown them, simply through them away.   This symbolizes the fear leaving, literally out of your hands now, find a release of that burden to now better operate and live in wisdom.

[1] Palmer, Parker. A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2004. 27

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

My rebuttal

My rebuttal
There is so much I want to say to you. There is so much you have said to me in your silence that my rebuttal shall be quit brutal. I hope that I bruise your ego, slice your heart and expose my pain so much so that it creates a beautiful tapestry for your evening attire. I want every promise given to me to come true in front of your eyes but with another. Your smile that entices will one day rott because of the whore you have been.  It hurts to see the one I chose to love become a whore with their body, it forces me to admit I’ve been a floozy with my love.  My love was intentional and your deceit was undignified. My kisses were genuine, filled with purpose. Your spit swap was greed and carelessness.

There is so much I want to say to you. Because I have respect from myself, peers, professional colleagues, family, and community I have to hold my tongue and write you this personal note. This note is intentional like my love exposing your neglect of my heart that I shared with you. You say” normalcy is for suckas,” I say normalcy is not easily achieved. It means that my life has direction and meaning. I value more than myself. I once threw around your girl’s slogan YOLO but let me tell you, I will live twice.

Twice I will get to tell you that normalcy makes me Super Woman.  Go swim in the sea, and you will only see my reflection and feel my warmth, because I’m Super Woman. Jump from the plane and know I hold the parachute.  With or without you I will plummet into success and you’ll still be sailing on the tail of the one you manipulated.

There is so much I want to say. But oh, I forgot you don’t communicate well. So eat these words Be-outch and don’t say a word. Shhhh…I’m Super woman.

My Rebuttal ,  Word Spoken by B


Word Spoken by B

Let’s face it.  I’m in love with the idea of love.  And I refuse to believe that love will never come again.  But isn’t it strange that contradictory thoughts flow through my mind occasionally.  I have looked for love in the school yard, in the campus quad, and right next to me on the pew. Never the less, my future love was not there. Now I did find impostures.  I mean like serious replicas like the ones inside the coat jacket of the local crook. Crook, imposture, they are all related; they come to take without regard.  My playground love told the teacher when love was no longer fun. My campus love still loves me, look behind bush or the love letters under my bed. My love from that sanctified pew is off saving another’s soul. Impostures….this is imposturic-ology love.

This love so ripe and so ready, it tantalizes the brokenhearted, weary and the confident. Hell, the imposture strengthens your ego, fills in the cracks of your scared heart and listens to the soul’s desire. Now beware, the soul is where the ultimate resides. It’s where your power is housed awaiting activation through the prayers you have gently and accidently forgotten. Impostures….this is imposturic-ology love.

This love so ripe and so ready its ready for whosoever will. The one that will give completely, cry for your soul that seems to be without a purpose.  This imposture comes to steal your promise and your plan. And it’s possible because the lover who exudes desire will invest in making this wounded person whole. The lover will make deposits every day and throughout the day to nurture this person into becoming whole and loving.  In imposturic love there are no returns, no increasing credits into the personhood of the lover. The lover gives and gives beyond what is due.

And I’m in love with the ultimate lover that dwells deep within.  I wondered why I love so much, so hard, so long, so good. It’s because, I was born that way, Born in the image and likeness of that ultimate lover.  But why is the imposture there? Why do they come?  They come…to serve as a reminder, if this love is not sent, it is not meant. If this imposture cannot help you bring or create the kingdom here on earth then it’s not real. Only what is real can be. We pray and pray “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth...” So, listen to my prayer, listen to your words and be satisfied knowing that this imposturic loves serves a purpose--  To redirect you and me into the arms of what is real. 

When you learn to see what is real, you can then search deeper into the well of knowledge seeking who you really are. And then you will acquire responsibility. Learning what is real, you find out who you are. And the person you are will live in purpose experiencing pain only to be exalted beyond the platform of suffering into the atmosphere of pleasure.

So again I say imposture comes to steal your promise and your plan; once recognized run like hell.        
Word Spoken by B

Monday, April 30, 2012

My very first blog ever:

The gas station man

After a recent breakup from a relation that my partner didn’t even realize they were apart of left me sad and vulnerable. I was seeking to fill a void of time and space.  I had already been reintroduced to cigarettes and Black & Milds, vodka on the weekends and now I wanted more. Truly, I wanted a real love but that could not be purchased off this rack as I stood at the counter of the gas station.  To my surprise was at least 15 different types of fake or imposturic weed products.  You know that natural herb being smoked by young and old.  That herb-that is, sending our boys and girls to prison every day. You know….that weed. And now, I could buy the replica at the gas station. Oh my gosh! My first thought: its legal, I can try it! I read over each package, looking for a catchy name and looking for what would sooth my ailment of inferiority and loneliness.

I had it narrowed down between the gold pack and the green one.  But the God that dwells in my soul kept questioning me.  But how often is it that we ignore the still small voice inside of us? Too often. The humanist that I am gets in the way wanting to believe things that are only tangible and real. But let me tell you God has a way of making all things real. I asked the service attendant, “should I get this?” He looked at me as if he knew me and clearly and without hesitation said “no.” This man just loss a $9 profit or however much, but God used this man to remind me that I am better than a $9 fix and that I will recover from a loss that was only meant to be a lesson.  God is real. I am real, God promised to always be present. I learned my lesson at the gas station, God keeps God’s word.