Monday, July 8, 2013

Beautiful Scars

I miss you,
I miss you like the laughter of yesterday that made my heart shout rumbustiously.
I've not confessed, told it, admitted it, or spoke it to you.
Because the day we said good bye no good-bye was spoken…
Pounds of hurt, hills of baggage were all thrown down the chute of our pounding and exuberant hearts. Hearts are tender.

All too often we are made to believe that the heart pumps and pumps without interruption.
Murmurs are simply the bad trying to stay and good escaping.
Escaping is what I've been trying to do for these days,
these weeks,
these months and yet there is no escaping
that which I knew to be so real.

Pounds of hurt,
hills of baggage were carried in pant pockets,
and in the memories of life before,
that which we did not share, did not understand,
did not hear,
chose to ignore,
 the memories we thought…faded away into life before.

Life before does not go away, life before is here,
its now, it’s me;
it’s you,
the new and the old that must be transformed to good.

What happens when we see unmasked reflections?
We see beautiful scars, blemishes of imperfections that resemble another on their journey toward wholeness.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

A Reflection of a Reflection:

Wow. My words are all in the jumbled up in my stomach. Before I continue allow me to insert who I am. I am a black woman, born in the United States, born of meager means that lives a life of privilege, yet I’m still impoverished.  I have a deep concern and interest in black urban communities as it relates to religion, systematic oppression and simply put, all of everyday life. Therefore, I tend to be very critical of reality television. I’m leery of the truthfulness being hindered in order to promote a laugh at the cost of my brothers or a reduction in the image and character of my sisters. 

I was asked 18hrs ago to watch a video and comment on it.  The video entitled, “The Real Baby Mommas of Richmond.” Oh my! Immediately, I said what have we gotten ourselves into? Yes, I’m included because I think and have always thought that we are a reflection of each other.  When an African American Woman doesn’t fit American standards, I’ve always measured myself asking do I fit. Fortunately, I’ve moved past that knowing that it’s very likely I will not fit and never fit because I was not designed to fit.  So then, when one of my sisters allows her light to shine and benefit the community then I believe she sets an example for others like us.

So, I began to watch and listen to the introduction music. The lyrics were not filled with degrading lyrics, not full of drama, rather an affirmation of sorts- Baby Mamas have something to say. They are claiming their voice that is filled with an experience that is a source of wisdom and insight. The black female creator of the show is an entrepreneur, a woman of her environment wanting to tell real stories of real women and the real issues that we encounter.  While I do not have children these are my issues too, because I am woman and I am black.  But not only were issues highlighted but the essentials of the family unit, education, respect, struggles and owning our culture.

Media along with negative thinking friends have told us that “man ain’t no count” or “you can’t trust them.” This film seems to naturally highlight without intention the strength and courageousness of black men, ones who stand by their women helping them fulfill dreams. Dreams of creating a positive show about baby mommas; Fathers who do want to be and are good fathers, just unable to be with the mothers for whatever the reason.

And some of these reasons are not just because the black women are deemed crazy but because there is a world and culture out there that do not correlate.  While this show as aimed to discuss the diversity of woman who have children in a positive way, the women did not leave out the men.  Men are rarely if ever intentionally excluded from the family unit and in this episode men were able to speak to other men encouraging them.

Men like women need encouraging.  It does no one any good to deny the struggles found in society and within self. This show reality show I would support because it aims to be authentic, people speak in the language and jargon of its own culture and compassion is shared.

Just a few topics touched on or discussed in length:

Incarceration, marriage, women,
Good women are over-looked, divorce, lack of pay in jobs, lack of healthcare or costly healthcare, cost of childcare.
The community often names us
Negotiating children within lesbian couples
Abusive relationships,
Moving with nothing to nothing and finding something worth being proud of
Manipulation of parents
Responsibility of taking care of parents
Parents teaching children responsibility
Lack of self care
Death of a child who has a child

(FYI, I only watched about half of the show)

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Speaking Musically

Sometimes music speaks louder and more clear....even deeper than than the soul's cry. (Attached is music for your listening enjoyment).

Monday, April 22, 2013

Subject of the Text

I am

I am the subject of the text. Textual understanding is more than word deep.

Its soul deep, 

I have to interpret myself, promote this script with no bounds… away from historic plays, sad epics and word play that you play. In an effort to better communicate the subject of this text.

That I am…
I am more than the characteristics of your past. I am the subject that brings your text to life. Oh what a flight this would be if only you were not afraid of the suspense that holds this text, high.  High I can be, without the gravity that pulls your illusions into a false sense of reality. But oh wait, reality is finality if it extends beyond…now. 

Now I am the text that that speaks. Heuristically I won’t manipulate, I will only speak that which is true in my soul.

True to what I want.

 Believing it will be and consistently and constantly excelling, climbing, outshining…I will watch and read what others have written about this text.

This text that I am is informed and outlined, written by the heart. Logic only colors where the heart doesn't bleed.

I am the subject of the text. 

Monday, February 18, 2013

Lost in the Found

I’m B.

I’m lost in being found. If you really think about it, you’ll get it; I think you may understand me, feel me, get me, be me. In the rubble no more, tossed no more, strong and growing I am. Peace I AM.

Today, I delight in the sun that shines specifically and perfectly for me; today.  You are sun.  You are present. You are…

Like breath, I delight in being lost in the found…to be centered and free, to defy gravity in such an abstract beautifully chaotic world. I am lost…in the found.

To find myself in the midst of sharing days of sand and snow, I revel in being lost in the found. The “closer” I get the feelings of being lost fades and joins the feeling of being. Being made and content in the moment of being lost in the found… Being immersed in the beauty of …being beautiful in the being.

I’m joyously lost in you, I’m lost in the found.

(Sometimes dramatic reveal simplistic and honest truths)

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Although We Have Never Met

I don’t think that I’m typically one to shy away from words and emotions that are my spoken truths but sometimes others have more adequate words to better express a sentiment or growing belief I have (so there’s a poem below to assist me). 

Although we have never met,
you have touched the very heart of my soul.
Your patience, love, and understanding
have carried me through some hard times.
You have been here for me when I needed you most.
Although you are a world away,
somehow we know each other in a way that really matters.
We are closer than most people who have met,
because we have taken the time to reach deep within ourselves
to know the person beyond the face.
It is truly what is on the "inside" that counts.
You are more than words on a screen.
You are an inspiration in times of need...
You give me hope when things seem lost...
You make me laugh, cry, listen and talk...
You make me think without saying a word.
In this vast world of silent talk,
although we have never met,
I have found a true "friend."       By Ayzha

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Have you ever walked passed your future?

Life is wonderful! I mean just super-duper great. Running this way and that way all to get to a point in which…did I pass it?

I’m not real for sure because I’m still striving for goal 3,391 and I’m almost there. But funny thing is I recently looked back over my life and realized I have no clue how I got to this place.

This place seems to be a dream of another, it wasn’t my dream, or did I dream a dream I didn't realize I dreamed to live a dream. Dreams do come true you know?

I know that I surpassed my goal of working at the local grocer.  I soon was able to work for the government so others could make groceries.

Even in that was a lesson and a message of gratitude that I will surely pass on to my kids and her kids and his kids.  Wait, I forgot to sanctify my womb through birthing a blessed child, but I did buy yours a Lollie pop and encouraged integrity, consistency, through exemplary dialogue and passionate discourse.

I look around and see skies and reflections of abundance and to my knees I fall, my eyes gaze upon great mystery as I seek to find the future I passed.

So… I’m so curious to know if the future that I so haphazardly passed…is it the place where I left….?

I want it back. I want it all back but how selfish and misconstrued am I… daring to return to the future that was less than where I’m going? But where I’m going is a crooked and hilly path that brings great discomfort, great joy, extreme pain, yet pure ecstasy, gaudy awkwardness, dignified restraint,…I feel it all. Is this more than the future passed?

That I do not know…but all I can do is live this dream as my reality reassuring you that dreams come true, bigger and better than anything ever imagined.  Join me.